Dean: Democrats to Outsource Patriotism

Party Leaders No Longer Comfortable with Unsophisticated Displays of Love for America

by Larry Bickerstaff, AAP

Washington, November 11, 2007 - Democratic National Committee Chair Howard Dean said today, "it's time the party moved away from the old fashioned approach to patriotism. I think most people can tell, Democrats are just no longer comfortable doing that stuff. So, today, Veteran's Day is a perfect time to make this announcement."

In a prepared statement, Chairman Dean went on to say that he and other party leaders are in discussions with contractors in India and China who can give "unsophisticated, non-elite" Americans the "mawkish, redneck" patriotism they feel they need. "The actual cost to the party will be minimal," said Dean, "and the benefits to Democrat presidential candidates and leaders will be high. Foreign actor stand ins will perform all the so called 'necessary' patriotic duties like flag waving, saying the pledge, etc. It's truly a win-win."

Dean also said that he and other Democrat leaders are working with officials at the University of Delaware "to ensure that fewer Americans in the future will be so ignorantly patriotic and naively proud of their heritage." "It's a simple matter of education," said Dean, "and that takes time and a multi pronged approach. Our friends in Hollywood for example continue making anti patriotic, anti American films that few people see because they know that in time the message they're putting out will be heard."

Candidate Barack Obama who recently expressed displeasure at wearing flag lapel pins said, "this is a bold step forward for the party. I take a lot of pride in the fact that my position on flag lapel pins has helped spur this development."

Meanwhile the leading candidate for the Democratic party nomination, Hillary Clinton, took an approach that seemed to reject the plan and simultaneously accept it.

"I'm unsure about supporting this plan," said Senator Clinton, "since in its current state it's linked to my opponent. Mr. Obama was clearly a part of the male mob that bashed me in the last debate and I will not forget that. The women of America will not forget that. However, my friends at MoveOn.org are obviously not happy with the expression of patriotism in any way shape or form. Plus, the outsourcing of patriotism is a position that I have had great sympathy with in the past. I shudder when all those flags start waving around me. And singing that violent and bloody national anthem is out of the question. Bill and I usually just mouth the words."

[Check out my other website, The Liberalstein Satire Bar: http://liberalstein.com/]

Leahy Says Dems Did Not Waterboard Mukasey

Methods Painful But “Acceptable”

by Larry Bickerstaff, AAP

Washington, November 6, 2007 - The likelihood of Judge Michael Mukasey's confirmation as Attorney General increased today after Senate Judiciary Chair Pat Leahy (D-VT) called off Democrat “Definition Extraction” specialists who were trying to get Mukasey to say waterboarding was torture.

The “Extractors,” as they’re called by Democrat insiders, included several members of the Judiciary Committee–Ted Kennedy (D-MA), Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), and Richard Durbin (D-IL), as well as Senator and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton (D-NY).

“These people are experts at what they do.” said Leahy, “It’s very physical and they cause considerable pain, but they stay within acceptable parameters. Let me make one thing clear: although this was a waterboard definition process and they were using hypotheticals which are dangerous, no actual waterboarding was involved.”

Leahy went on to explain that Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) appealed to him to stop the Mukasey definition extraction procedures. “But Schumer’s appeal,” said Leahy, “was a waste of my time. Damn New Yorkers. His 'cover my ass' spiel didn’t change my mind at all. What happened was, I went down to the DTR personally to observe what was going on and realized this damn fool Mukasey wasn’t going to change his tune one iota. They could have hypotheticaled him until next November and he wouldn’t have budged. That’s when I pulled the plug on the Extractors.”

The “DTR,” according to “Saw,” a source in Clinton’s campaign, refers to the Democrat Torture Room. The strange room is not well known in Washington, even among Democrat insiders, but is said to be located somewhere in a basement bathroom of the capitol building. Beside toilet facilities, the DTR contains a large closet full of both primitive and high tech torture equipment.

“They’ve got a rack,” says Saw, “some thumbscrews, a tongue tearer, and an Iron Maiden. The modern stuff includes a Barbara Streisand album, a box of Michael Moore’s skidmarked jockey shorts, and that old standby, jumper cables hooked to an auto battery. There’s also a tape of Howard Dean’s Iowa scream; the thing’s on a repetitive loop. Over and over. It’s damned horrible.”

“The DTR’s been used regularly since the Bork hearings,” said Saw. “But Leahy’s right. I never once saw a nominee waterboarded.”

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Shocking Clinton-Spitzer Tape Revealed
by Larry Bickerstaff with Candace Incivilius

ALBANY, Oct. 27, 2007 - NY Governor Eliot Spitzer’s plan to give illegal immigrants a driver’s license has angered both Republicans and Democrats, including Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. Today, a backtracking Gov. Spitzer was talking about a compromise.

Spitzer’s decision to modify the controversial proposal has left many MSM reporters puzzled. Reporter Candace Incivilius of The Satire Star is not puzzled.

“I received a tip from a source and was able to bug the room (video and audio) in the isolated Catskills cabin where Clinton met last night with Spitzer,” says Incivilius. “I know why Spitzer changed his mind. The tape is shocking, to say the least.”

In the interests of civility and decency, The Satire Star, has elected to provide readers with typescript excerpts only.

Beginning of excerpt. 11:35 PM EDT [A remote cabin in the Catskills. Gov. Spitzer–in a white shirt with an open collar and a tie dangling loose–is seated by a small table in the center of the room chain smoking. Suddenly the door bursts open and Hillary Clinton enters. She is wearing an fashionable light blue wool overcoat.]

ES: Hill, baby, am I glad to see you. This license thing has gotten out of hand.

HC: Eliot, look at yourself. You’re a mess. You look as haggard as Bill did during Monica's "blue dress" revelation. Pull yourself together. Take full responsibility for the shitty mess you've made, offer the fallback compromise, and move on. [She takes the cigarette out of his mouth and stubs it out on the back of his hand.]

ES: Owwwww. That hurt. [He shakes his hand in pain and his eyes film over with tears.] Bu..Bu..But Babycakes, you told me the license thing would give you an advantage, that it would permit maybe a million or more illegals to vote for you in the coming election. That it would give you an edge over that hack Giuliani.

HC. Shutup. That was last week. This is now. My ops tell me Fred Thompson may be the nominee, not Big G. That changes everything. So what I want now is a compromise.

ES: But I’ll look like a p---y. I’ll never get elected in NY again.

HC: You are a p---y, Eliot. [She looks at her nails.] You'll do the compromise. And later, if that's not enough to satisfy the damn right wingers, and I ask you to pull the whole frigging proposal, you'll do that too.

ES: [He straightens up in his chair.] But I’ve got principles. I want to help the illegals in my state realize their dreams.

HC: YOUR STATE! [At this point Hillary removes her overcoat and tosses it on the sofa. She is wearing a black leather dominatrix outfit, complete with fishnets and stiletto heels. She cracks her long whip in the air above Spitzer’s head.]

ES: Jeez! You scared me so, I think I pissed my pants. But you do look hot.

HC: You’ve been a real bad boy Eliot.

ES: I’m just trying to help the poor illegals get a leg up here in NY. With a driver's license, they can drive and vote, do whatever they want that requires an ID. They can even use it to board planes and enter federal facilities.

HC: I’ll show you a leg up.

[Hillary kicks the table over, slips her foot under his chair, and flips him backwards. He sprawls on his back. She struts to his side, puts one stiletto heel in the center of his chest, and dangles the end of the whip in his mouth. Spitzer spits out some of the whip but Hillary drops it deeper into his mouth.]

HC: Now, are you gonna be a good boy and do what Madame H says?

ES: Margghmmwawa.

HC: That's better. If you promise to keep being a good boy, Madam H will give you a little surprise.

End of excerpt.

Ms. Civilius says, “there’s a lot more on the tape, but I think you get the idea. It’s pretty clear why Spitzer changed his mind.”

Democrat consultant Paul Beguano, who was interviewed earlier before the tape's release, said, "whether the compromise holds depends on two things: the immediate MSM reaction and the Republicans willingness to push the issue. If the MSM plays up the disappointment of immigrant groups with Spitzer's flip, and everything stops there, Clinton and Spitzer will be safe with the compromise. But if Republicans push hard enough, the Democrats will be forced to tell Spitzer to throw out the proposal altogether."

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Breaking News from the Creative News Network. Hollywood, CA.

James Cameron Does Not Exist

Controversial documentary film-maker Michael Less has opened Pandora’s Box with his latest film, “JC Is In Fact CG,” which denies the existence of supposed Oscar winning director, James Cameron. “You look at all the research in the documentary and it’s as plain as the nose on your face,” says Less. “James Cameron is a gigantic CG (computer generated) hoax, perpetrated on a scale never before thought possible. What we thought was a real man is in fact a computer generated composite.”

“We didn’t go into this hoping to find a hoax,” said Willard Ferret, the documentary’s producer. “Mike was just going to do a simple bio type thing. But then the PI we hired to do a background check came back with that bombshell about his high school yearbook picture and we had to look at everything from a different angle.”

“The high school principal was the key,” said Nick James, the PI. “I’ll never forget that day as long as I live. I showed him the high school annual from 1972 expecting to get the usual standard stuff about Cameron being an all around popular boy who wrote for the school paper. Instead, the guy pulled down his blinds, and took another 1972 annual out of his desk. ‘This is the real one,’ he said. ‘The one you have is a fake.’ I looked through it. There was no James Cameron. Anywhere. Not a single pic. No references. It blew my mind.”

“Willard stood by us from the very first,” said Less. “This film cost a lot of money and he never flinched. Over a thousand strands of DNA evidence were examined, literally thousands of pictures were scrutinized, and hundreds of scientists, and scholars on personal identity were interviewed. The results of all our investigations show–and we’ve replicated these time and time again–Cameron’s existence is one of the biggest frauds ever perpetrated on movie fans of the world. There is not now, nor has there ever been a real James Cameron who directed movies.”

“As far as Cameron’s five wives and four children’ go,” said Ferret, “no one would let us talk to them. We think they’re phony too, or at least in on the hoax, we just can’t prove it. After all, they must get lots of money from the big production companies who run this whole illusion. We have do have second hand photos of all of his wives with other men during the time they were supposedly married to him, but they could be CG too.”

Less even claims to have Biblical evidence supporting his conclusions about James Cameron. “It’s in the book of James,” says Less, “Chapter 2, verse 14. ‘What good is it ... if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?’ Clearly this is prophetic truth about James Cameron,” Less continues. “We all had faith in James Cameron before we made this film, a kind of religious faith even, but now that we’ve seen that there’s no real ‘deeds’ or verifiable action to validate his existence, our faith is shattered. All we have now is our belief in this film. We hope the public will accept that.”

Because of a lingering cold, I'm upstairs blogging, not watching the Oscars or anything else on TV tonight. There's another reason too.

Hollywood today is the cultural Marxists propoganda wing. "Babel," "An Incovenient Truth." Etc. Many films made in Hollywood today say America is bad. That we degrade, pollute the world. That we oppress people everywhere. Not exactly my cup of tea.

I directed a few plays in my academic career and think I know the difference between "a hawk and a handsaw." I also understand that theatrical acting is an art. Movie acting is also an art. What actors do is take an "untrue" thing (like dialog and action in a scene on stage with artificial flats behind and an audience in front) and act as if the whole thing were really happening. Nothing wrong with that. As I said. Acting is an art.

But acting and the Hollywood establishment have become the main tool of the New Left, the cultural Marxists with their "political correctness," "multiculturalism," "diversity," "environmentalism," "economic justice," etc. Their obvious goal is a utopian state of secular bliss which of necessity (and for our own good) must be achieved through strict totalitarian controls.

Totalitarian rule, Hannah Arendt argued, is predicated on the assumption that proving that a thing is true is less effective than acting as though it were true.

Is this why the message of many films today is that America is bad? We plunder the world's resources, we oppress minorities of all types, we pollute the earth, etc. Writers who create the characters in films and TV shows and actors who portray them don't try to prove these things about America. They just "act" as though this message is true. If we see this assumed to be true message enough times, and our children see it, we will eventually come to believe that it is indeed true.

Don't believe it. Resist. Look through the celluloid. Think.

Goodnight for now.

Blogito

Dr. Sanity is an M.D. and a psychiatrist. Her blog is named Dr. Sanity and her posts attempt to shine “a spotlight on a few of the insanities of life.” Her original posts are excellent and insightful. Sometimes she posts things from other sources; many times these are insane (remember her mission statement) and she expertly analyzes the psychoses behind them; on other occasions, the excerpts she selects excerpts are straightforward gems. If you like blogging that raises the bar, read some more of Dr. Sanity's posts.

Dr. Sanity's excerpt today is from an article by Amir Tehri who was born in Iran and educated in Tehran, London, and Paris. He’s been an editor or writer for the London Sunday Times, the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, etc. His book “Holy War” was selected by Publisher’s Weekly as one of the books of the year in 1988. To read the entire article, go here: http://www.asharqalawsat.com/english/news.asp?section=2&id=8092
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“QUOTE OF THE DAY
From Amir Taheri in his editorial ‘Ahmadinejad and Russian Roulette’:
‘In the old times, gunboat diplomacy worked because the man who sent the flotilla could use it without being second-guessed at every step. The gunboat was a symbol of power that was real because those who possessed it had the will and the courage to use it. In most cases, it was not actually used because those targeted knew that it could be used.

‘Today, however, the US has all the power in the world but lacks the will and courage to use it.…

‘Ahmadinejad, reported to watch a lot of CNN, has seen the gunboats sail in. But he has also seen Nancy Pelosi, Jack Murtha, Barrack Obama, and other American luminaries such as Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky and Jane Fonda who would rather see Bush destroyed than the mullahs restrained.’”
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Because the November election gave them a slim victory, the Democrats (and their comrades in appeasement, the Republican turncoats) believe that they have a considerable amount of power to dictate policy even if it means doing something unprecedented in American History. To keep this power and win the presidency in 2008 they must reduce Bush to more than a lame duck, he must be a cooked duck. They can’t talk about these political motives of course, so the their response to such a charge is to claim that their patriotism is being questioned. In my opinion, it’s a petty, shallow defense. Why? American prestige and lives are on the line in the present, and an uncertain future with a nuclear Iran looms.

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